Finding My True Happy-Mess

Finding My True Happy-Mess

My life may not pass the white glove test, but I am learning to love my true happy mess!


It’s time to come clean. I am a mess. There is a really good reason that I am always self-helping myself. That’s because I need it! I have been blogging for about six months on happiness, simplicity, minimalism, wellness and overall betterness but have only scratched the surface. It’s time for me to stop sweeping dirt under my rug.


In 2005 I was five years into pursuing an acting career in Hollywood and had not “made it”. I had gone through a divorce and could not seem to find the relationship of my dreams. I was running out of money, was going into debt and had two (two!) sociopathic friends who hurt me very deeply. My life was not what I wanted it to be. I felt alone, wounded and scared for my future.



Then I went to my first Tony Robbins seminar. I had never felt so much energy and happiness in my life! I liked it so much that I worked on the crew for several seminars. I was there for motivation and support. I was there to help people better their lives. I was there to help people face their fears and walk across hot coals! This work gave me a taste of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to continue to help people with their lives but I felt I had to become my own success story before I could help others. I did not feel qualified or worthy to teach or coach others in life because I was not a success. Who would take advice from a divorced, broke, out of work actor with a bad taste in friends? I also smoked cigarettes and drank too much. I had always been interested in self-improvement, but after my Tony Robbins experiences I really pumped it up and spent the next eight years reading, researching, studying, chanting, goal setting, and self-helping the living help out of myself. I was building up a lot of knowledge, but my life needed a good spit shine before I would feel ready to get into the nitty-gritty of people’s lives.



After years of cleaning house I found the relationship I had always wanted, a job I liked making good money and wonderful friends. I was out of debt and even saving money. I stopped smoking, drank less and led a healthy lifestyle. Then I discovered the idea of minimalism and simple living. Like gangsta busters I started removing the excess from my home and life and I started to reap the rewards of my actions right away. I was working hard to need less instead of making more money. I was proud of myself for the lessons I had learned and was applying these lessons to my life. I finally felt like an expert at something. I was ready to start my blog and do meaningful work helping people with their lives. I finally felt good enough.



When we had to move I realized again that I was not where I wanted to be. I saw the boxes that we had as excess and had to be reminded again and again by my husband how far that we have come. I went back and forth between feeling stressed out about moving and even more stressed out about the fact that I was stressed out. Moving was the perfect opportunity to put my expertise to work, and I dwelled on how much stuff that we still owned and felt like a fraud to my Live Big and Small Community. Moving into a very small space would not be realistic for us. I believed that this was another lesson; however I was not actually learning it. I felt like a failure.

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I reached out to my husband and my new life coach about how I was feeling. As I spoke the answers were already there. I may never “make it” but I have made it this far. Instead of rolling my eyes at new lessons, I am going to invite them to teach me what I need to learn. I may be flawed but I can still be a good example of how to live a simple and meaningful life and help others do the same. I may feel disappointed in myself sometimes but I have faith that I will pick myself up again and keep on working and trying. I know how to be happy even when things aren’t perfect and I am going to try very hard to be easier on myself, be proud of myself and to stop expecting perfection. My life may not pass the white glove test, but I am learning to love my true happy mess!


5 thoughts on “Finding My True Happy-Mess

  1. Pippy, I truly believe even the most polished, seemingly self-assured and successful people have self-doubt. Lately, I have been trying to come to terms with the thought that maybe ‘we’ (or more specifically me) will never get ‘there’, whatever ‘there’ is for each of us and maybe we should just accept that we are ‘here’ and always striving to get ‘there’. Maybe the lessons are in the striving anyway, not in the arrival. Each of us see ourselves through our own lens and IMO – you are (as most of us are) being your own worst critic. I am not minimizing your feelings actually, I understand and acknowledge your feelings. As you know, I live in a 40 foot 5th wheel trailer, (aka a 5er). EVERYTHING I own fits in the 5er, (other than the truck that pulls it)…and yet, I still feel like I have too many belongings. (I just dropped more stuff at Salvation Army a few weeks ago though). I enjoy your blog and look forward to reading it. You have sometimes made me laugh at other times you’ve made me think or you’ve taught me something. So in those moments when you’re being so hard on yourself, remember you don’t always really know who you’re reaching or teaching. I find your honesty (keeping it real) and openness refreshing. All my best to you.

    • This is why I stopped goal “setting” and am now trying out “guidelines” for my life. With goal setting I found that it’s really a way to postpone happiness. “I’ll be happy when I’m thinner”, “I’ll be happy when I’m married”, “I’ll be happy when I have “made it”. Even though I know what to do, having the best tools doesn’t mean that I’m using the right tool for the right job. I’ve been trying to hammer everything into place when I should have just sanded down the edges a bit. Silly metaphors aside, I am a human, doing my best and I felt obligated to admit it instead of hiding under a rock until I feel good enough to write again. I feel liberated and supported. I also totally agree that we look at each other with such acceptance, love, support and even sometimes envy. Why can’t we see ourselves that way that others see us? Then you would know how much YOU ROCK!!!!

  2. Yes! Thank you once again Pippy for sharing. Your words are so relate-able as I always feel that way at anything I try to pursue. I think what I learned here is that it truly is the journey, there is ALWAYS room for improvement; but that doesn’t mean we are worthless failures it simply means we have not given up on ourselves or our endeavors. Looking forward to your future posts!

    • Well said. It all seems so easy until you are in the middle of it feeling like you are drowning. The best thing I have learned (or keep learning) is that the lessons are marvelous and I am going to enjoy them!! (or try!!) In the end that’s where the growing starts and if you stop growing you die.

  3. I love your blog, Pippy! And you are a success! You being you is successful! 🙂 You have a knack for writing in such a relate-able way – it is so down to earth and insightful. I appreciate and thank you for sharing your internal experience with trying new things and new approaches to viewing and living life! Thank you!

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