So, Tell me What you Want, What you Really Really Want


Do you “wannabe” famous like the Spice Girls? Or just have cool shoes?

You want something so, so bad. You visualize it, take action steps to get it,  you talk about it –  live it and breathe it. But the thing you want never seems to come. Or there’s this scenario: You want something for so, so  long and once you have it, you don’t want it anymore – now you want something else.

Do either of these sound familiar?

In my coaching practice we do a lot of work on living a life based on your own personal value system. Discovering what you value most and living a value based life creates meaning, purpose and happiness every single day! I have come up with a quick exercise to break down the things that we want into the value hidden underneath. This can give you the clarity to know if it’s something you still really want (then keep on trucking!) or if there is something else that can assist you in honoring the value and give you the feelings that you are looking for.

Think of one thing that you really want in your life right now. Maybe it’s to be in shape, have your own flourishing business or to find your soul mate. After you have brought this desire to the forefront of your mind ask yourself  “Why is this important?” After you ask that question, ask that same question again in response to your answer until you come up with the hidden value underneath that want.


Here are two examples of what I mean:


I really want to lose 20 pounds.

Why is this important? I want to knock ’em dead at my high school reunion.

Why is this important? I want everyone to see how happy I am.

Why is this important? Everyone made fun of me in high school.

Why is this important? I never fit in.

Hidden Value: Acceptance


Another Example:

I want to be a world traveler.

Why is that important? I have been stuck in this town my whole life.

Why is that important? My job only gives me three weeks off a year and I usually spend that time doing what my wife wants to do.

Why is that important? I am a grown person and I should get to do what I want to do sometimes.

Hidden Value: Freedom


Once you have broken down your wants into values, you don’t have to wait until you have lost the weight or have the resources to travel the world to feel the feelings that you are longing for. You now can find alternative ways to have the feelings of acceptance and freedom. You may still want the original things, however,  you may also realize that you can start enjoying the feelings behind them right away. The next thing you can ask yourself once you know what value you want to honor is:


How can I honor my value of _______ right now

How can I add this feeling of _______ into my every day life?

In order to feel this way and honor this value, what things in my life do I have to say no to?

What do I have to say yes to?


You may realize that if you are looking for a feeling of acceptance, you may need to say “No” to comparing yourself to others on Social Media. You may have to say “Yes” to spending time doing self-love activities or with people that love you unconditionally.  You can also ask yourself who you need to be in order to get the value and feelings of acceptance in your life. More accepting towards others? More patient?


Having this level of self-discovery and awareness can help you clearly see why you want the things you want and what lies underneath your desires. After doing this exercise with each of the things that you want, you may find yourself tweaking your goals a little bit, or creating some new goals to really honor the values you have hidden underneath all of your longings.


My challenge for you is to come up with your top three goals or desires and try this for yourself. You may find that you are happier and more fulfilled on your journey towards your destiny if you start honoring these values – and yourself – RIGHT NOW!!

What were Veruca Salt’s values behind what she wanted?