Core Value Living Series – Relationships

What are core values?

I have decided that I want to make sure that the activities and tasks that I choose to do align with my beliefs and values. I had been getting off-track a lot lately and finding that I was doing things that were not really important to me. Basically, I was doing the wrong things. I learned about these five core values during my work with Tony Robbins. Having a clear sense of what I truly value has helped me to stop wasting time on things that do not really matter and to manage my time so that I can do what I really want to do. I have adopted these values as my own as everything that is important to me falls under one of these values. I intend to write a post about my experiences in each of these areas over time and I am calling it my Core Value Living Series.

Here are my core values based on the teachings of Tony Robbins:

  • Relationships
  • Health
  • Growth
  • Passion
  • Contribution

 

RELATIONSHIPS

Nature vs. nurture

One of the core values in my life are my relationships. I tend to spend more time on other values like my health and personal growth and run out of time for the people I have chosen to be a part of my life. Neglecting my relationships or taking for granted that they will take care of themselves has made it difficult for me to become intimate with anyone. Deciding to be intentional with my activities gives me the opportunity to allot time for nurturing my relationships. I used to look at time with friends and family as frivolous and non-productive. I came to realize that this is out of line with my belief system and changes needed to be made. I am slowly starting to do things like scheduling a walk with a dear friend, a date with my husband or an outing with a group of friends. I put these activities on my to-do list and make sure I allot the time for these activities.  I also intend to continue to create balance between my core values so that I may lead a well-rounded life including all of the things I value.

You can’t buy relationships

Sometimes, purchasing a material possession as a gift for someone is appropriate and brings them joy or value. The problem can be that sometimes that’s all we do and gifts are given in lieu of spending time together. Creating memories and having experiences with the people you care about is what it’s all about. Making space for people and feeling that they have made the space in their lives for you is the best present money cannot buy. In this hectic world it’s a downright precious commodity.

Don’t let anyone take your sparkle

I started this process slow, first figuring out who was the most important to me, who I wanted to be closer with and who I needed to move out of my life. I know it sounds harsh, but this is my life and my time and I intend to spend it with people who add value to it.  I want my relationships to be a two way street. I want to be around people who have similar values. I want to spend time with people who want to grow. I want to be around people who uplift me and want to be uplifted. After I figured out who I wanted to be closer with, I simply made visits, dates, phone calls, cards and text messages a priority and started slowly scheduling them into my days. I even have a pen pal!

Getting to know me, getting to know all about me

There was one more relationship that needed attention, my relationship with myself! I know that I told you that I spend a lot of time on my personal development, however my relationship with myself is not the same thing. So I decided to take myself on a date! Many years ago I did a process called “The Artist’s Way” and I took myself on several “Artist Dates”. The dates were so much fun and I remember exactly what I did and how I felt on the date… and that was over ten years ago! These dates served to nurture my relationship with myself. They allowed me to create memories and have experiences. They even allowed me to get to know myself better! Giving myself permission to take myself out gave me a lighter feeling about everything else I had to do that day. Even that week! Even now! It was hard to block out the time. I felt guilty at first, but now I feel refreshed and happy and light. I intend to schedule more dates with myself as often as I can. The relationship I have with myself needs to be nurtured too. It will help me be more grounded and ready to nurture the other relationships in my life. I also get to pick all of my favorite things to do without compromising. Bonus!

Make room for what matters to you

Sometimes we can get caught up in our lives doing things that do not align with the values we have created for ourselves. Some of us have not even identified our core values, but know in our hearts what we are really passionate about. I feel safe to say that as humans we all need to make our relationships a core value in our lives. Giving the gift of our time, being fully present when we do spend that time (my advice – turn off your device) and being grateful for having that person in your life should align with everybody’s priorities.

Exercise in prioritizing your priorities

Make a list of your core values. Use Tony’s five if you like. Now take your daily or weekly to-do list and compare the list to your core values. How many of the things on your list align with your values? How can you stop adding so many things to your list and your life that do not match up with who you want to be? What kinds of things can you begin to take away so that you can add what matters most to you? Remember, if you don’t know what your priorities are, just look at what you did this week. There is your list of priorities. If you said “yikes” it’s time to start being true to yourself and doing what matters most to you.

 

You have read “Core Value Living Series – Relationships” here first on Live Big and Small. Please leave your comments, suggestions or ideas about your core values in the comments. Thank you so much for being a part of this amazing community of like-minded people who want to live a more meaningful life with less.